Ambition: The Complete Package

Ever get to a point in life where you just lack motivation? Gosh, I feel like I've been stuck in one spot for what seems like an eternity. I get into these selfish modes where I'm about me, all about my grind, all about my money; but I'm not about anything or anyone else, but me. It's then when I feel like my work is being done in vain. My mama, always congratulates me on my accomplishments in life, but then she asks me did I stop and give thanks for such blessings?

Children, you must remember something. A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and love for his blessings here on earth is ever so alive.

- Pearl Bailey, ""Talking to Myself" (1971)"

Being amongst the walking dead is not a good thing. Life me seem so beautiful, but sometimes you're actually just existing and not living. I've had ambition, but I lacked the love. I'm not a people person, I'm not a family person; I'm a complete loner. So me not properly interacting with people (the right people) could be the cause of my quick sand state of being at the moment. Over the past couple of weeks, things have gotten better. I've been a little networking social butterfly. I'm starting to realize some of the opportunities that I've been missing out on. I could've sworn I JUST had a revolution at the beginning of the year, but perhaps this is part II.

To avoid confrontation or inconvenience, I've been known to settle for less in the pass. It was either or for me. I got with this or I got with that. I've handed myself the short end of the stick on many occasions. I want it all or nothing now. If I get it all, I won't be selfish; I'll share slice the pie and evenly distribute it.

Work In Progress

I've been in my Pattie Labelle mode strong lately. I'm doing things on my own. To avoid expecting too much from people who pose to be unworthy anyway, it's just easier to do things myself. I'm pretty sure most folks equipped with good sense can feel me on this one. I have a tendency to dance to my own music. I'm always off beat with the rest of the world. They are dancing wildly to techno, and I'm on a smooth 2 step to some Isley Brothers. It's always been an issue for me to accept the fact that people don't do things they way I do them. The most logical solutions to issues regarding life seem to be the most difficult times for others. I can't lie, sometimes I do force my opinions, beliefs and ways of doing things on people that are most close to me. I know I get on their nerves big time! "What you want me to do? I'm sorry!!" Loll. I mean well, and it's really only me being concerned about my friends, family and mate's well being. I'm just a bit of a jerk with it

I can't count how many times I've heard the words, "Tamica I'm not you!" Patience has never been a virtue for me, and it's been something that I've been working on for God knows how long. I'm still waiting for that to muster up by the way. Because, I don't possess such a trait, I'm unable to sit back and wait for long periods of time. This is the exact reason why I can't work in technical support on my part-time gig. I can't even get with it. I'd lose my mind. It's hard enough dealing with people explaining their accounts. I'm the type that you played the old school Nintendo game, and needed help passing a level, but I just take the controller and beat it for you. I didn't have the patience to sit and walk you through it. Probably why I don't desire children. I'm working on it though, I promise, loll.

My friends have learned to work around my strong opinionated and patience lacking self. If they do happen to have an issue, they now tend to solve it or have everything in order BEFORE they tell me about it. Then the words come "before you say anything, I already got this! Just be quiet and let me break it down to you." Gotta love them, for loving me. One of my few life long battles, that I'm growing to work with the older I get. It takes a special kind of person to be in my life and actually stand the heat. I appreciate these less than a handful of people. Love them with all of my heart. The thin line between simplicity and complexity; I'm best at being who I am. However, I know when the time comes to step out of my character and view things from another angle; your angle. I hear you, I respect you, and I understand. Let's work!

The Season Of Love

….is DEAD. Do not resuscitate! Let that bad boy go! Love doesn't live here anymore. I'm not the only one feeling it. It seems like the season is just over. Lot's of folks are going through it. The heartbreak and heartache caused by the deportation of love. I recently ended a relationship that was built on a lie and drug through the dirt by false hope. I think I felt more betrayal and resentment than heartache, but I guess it's all the same thing huh? It wasn't bad though. I've been through much worse. I didn't lose any sleep or miss any meals. I've been living life as normal. I really don't have time for heartache right now. Too many things have to be accomplished in my day. So thank God I was spared this go round. I wish I could say the same for others I know. =(

It's something we all must go through in my eyes. It's almost destined like that life and death. We all suffer from the loss of love. Once you get past the hurting and pull the proper lessons out of the experience; it can only make you a better person.

"Every time we lay awake
after every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
still I haven't missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
by every silent scream we make
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?"

- 3 Days Grace

I swear I didn't want to write about this today. I've been dodging this post for the past week. I've been trying to find another outlet I suppose. I've been doing good thus far with keeping it off the brain. I hate to wallow in self pity and breast stroke through spilled milk. Clean it up and pour another class. I am my mother's child, and dwelling in depression is something we just don't do. However, with some things its easier said than done. My good friend is going through something that I've been through one too many times. Way beyond the point of desire. I feel her pain, and I wish I could take it all from her. Time has to run it's course though. It's like indulging on something so sweet that you know will leave a bitter after taste. We live for that first bite though don't we? Nobody can tell us anything once we get our hands on it! The devil is a lie, and the truth ain't in him!!! I'm going on a fast.

Scenic Route

Stuck in yet another hectic work week. End of the month deadlines kicking my tail as usual. Not too much longer until my vacation, so I'm sucking it all up; anticipating the days. I need the time off seriously. I need some time to actually sit down and think. I want to map out some things in my life. I'll be 25 in a couple weeks, and although this is not where I pictured my life at this age to be, I'm still content with it. I respect the fact that there are many routes to success. However, as a human I opt to take that short way. That's not always the best way though. Sometimes traveling the scenic route (the long way) reveals things we need to see along the way. I've experienced things on this scenic route that I never would've experienced the short way. So I'm accepting things as is, and being true to myself.

Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.

- Nicholas Evans, "The Horse Whisperer"

The time is approaching fast. The time to begin my new grind. My new project. My new hustle. Anyone, who knows me, knows I don’t sleep. T.Nicole A.K.A The Word Hustler A.K.A Miss. Grind, grind 99 percent of the time. Welp, go ahead and throw on another alias friends and haters (oh yeah I have those too!), because Miss. Picture Perfect is about to dip her feet into the photography thing. I already have some projects lined up for when I cop this bad boy right here...

Oh yes, the Nikon D90 with 12.3 megapixels is about to be my new best friend, besides my pen. I've been working on ideas for the website in representation of the first project. At first, I just wanted this as a new toy to capture moments in my life. Then opprotunity knocked, plans were put in the works and then my hustle went up a notch. I'll be capturing the world through my pen and my lens. Ha! Nice slogan! I'll be copyrighting that one right now!

Although my year started off rather depressing, I still have high hopes for it. I've come too far to stop now. I have a duffle bag full of dreams, goals, inventions, propositions, and proposals. This is the year to lay them all out on the table. My demeanor is quiet, and modest for the most part. I stay this way for a reason. I study those around me, keeping only a couple people in my corner, and I observe every situation from every angle before attacking it. This has made my travel on the current route much easier. My ride is smooth; with a speed bump here and there. It's nothing I can't get past though. You already know who I'm thanking for that.

Peace.

Allow Me To Re-introduce Myself

I decided to open up yet another blog. I know those of you who follow me are sick of me and my blog publishing antics, loll. I apologize. There are just so many sides of me; from romantic side to the fashionable side to the musical side to the poetic side to the spiritual side to the revolutionary side to the cynical side. I can suppress it all into one blog, but I'd rather not! This will be a more mellow site. I would say it is going to be humble, but going off the title alone; that might be a lie. It's no secret that I can be a bit extreme, but I'm working on that, loll. I do not have enough time in my day anymore. Between working both of my jobs, trying to maintain a relationship, taking some me time for my mere sanity, and getting enough sleep for my mere health; it's hard to post as much as I use to. To those who are reading me for the first time, I welcome you. I hope you enjoy your reading experience. I hope that you come back. I hope that you learn. I hope that you respect, and accept. If you do none of the above, I can't say that it'll make a difference in the person that I am.

Blah, enough of the lame introductions! Let's get down to the nitty gritty!